The God Behind Our Grief: Finding Unity In Heartbreak
- Kerry Morris
- 21 minutes ago
- 8 min read
A Gut Punch
Do you ever come across a particular situation or story that just sticks with you? Usually I can numbly skim tragic headlines, feel a flicker of sadness, then move on. But sometimes… Sometimes I encounter a situation or a story that I just cannot move past. Something about it breaks my heart.
The shooting of Renee Good by agent Jonathan Ross was one of those stories. Judging by the discussion across the country over the past week, I am not alone. You may have strong opinions about what happened and who is at fault, and I will not try to change them. This post is not about assigning blame. Rather, I’d like to explore a different question: What does our heartbreak tell us about our God, and can shared heartbreak be a path to unity?
As I read news stories and talked with people, it struck me how different people felt pain over different aspects of the case.
Some felt the pain of an officer gripped by such deep fear or anger that he felt the need to take a life, and will carry that with him forever.
Some felt the pain of a woman who said “It’s ok, dude, I’m not mad at you”, and was dead thirty seconds later.
Some felt the pain of a six year old little girl who no longer has a mother
Some felt the pain of communities who feel threatened by an influx of illegal immigration.
Some felt the pain of neighborhoods that are afraid to go outside
The opinions I heard covered a wide spectrum, but they all had something in common. Pain, or the fear of pain. Or the anger that is the hot exhaust of pain. Regardless of what opinion grew in each person’s mind, its roots were wrapped around a heartache.
What hurts us reveals what we value. If you want to know what a person worships, ask what breaks their heart. Worship is a religious word, but it has a universally human meaning. Worship just means alignment and devotion. What do I align my identity to? What do I devote my energy and attention to? What will I sacrifice parts of myself for? What breaks my heart when it is taken away?
Divided by Heartbreak
Much of the division in our society stems from worshiping different things, grieving over different losses. And if that is true, the path to unity might just lie in sharing the same divine heartache.
Which do you feel more threatened by: loss of privacy or loss of security?
Which do you fear more: being a victim of crime or an officer who abuses his power?
What is more unjust: an innocent person being imprisoned or a guilty person walking free?
Which child’s tears are heavier, those of a Palestinian orphan or those of an Israeli orphan?
Each question represents two sides of the same profound tragedy, situations where both sides suffer loss.
As much as it would be convenient to assume those who disagree with us are driven by cynicism or evil indifference, that is rarely true. People rarely disagree because they do not care about what is right. They disagree because they care greatly about what is right. But different things break their hearts. We follow our heartbreak to our opinion, and our enemies are chosen.
Heartbroken Over Humans
So, as a person of faith, I must ask myself, what breaks the heart of God? As a Christian, I look to the life of Jesus for clues. Jesus was deeply moved on many occasions, by many things.
People without leadership[1]
People who were sick[2]
People who were hungry[3]
People who were grieving[4]
People who missed an opportunity for peace[5]
People whose practical needs were neglected because of strict adherence to rules[6]
People being taken advantage of financially in the name of religion[7]
People being oppressed in the name of God[8]
There is one thing common across this list, one thing that consistently moved the heart of Jesus: People. Jesus was moved by the plight of individual people. Hebrew and Christian scriptures are full of stories of God’s heart being moved by human suffering. The Buddhist Metta Sutta teaches the same kind of radical universal compassion: “Just as a mother would protect her only child with her life, even so let one cultivate a boundless heart toward all beings.”
Frequently, we view people through the lens of their context. This person is a criminal, or a police officer, or a protestor, or a politician, or homeless, or wealthy - and based on that I make assumptions about them. But Jesus separated people from their context.
His heart was moved to compassion for Roman soldiers and homeless beggars, sincere religious leaders and convicted criminals, people who were sexually promiscuous and those who were chaste. He embraced people who supported the occupying Roman government and those who wanted to overthrow it.
Make no mistake, Jesus chose a side. He was just operating on a completely different axis. Instead of being oriented horizontally, his heart being moved more or less by different groups or issues, Jesus was oriented vertically. His heart was aligned with the heart of God, and his heart broke with the heart of God. Because God loved the entire world[9].
Jesus refused the simplicity of choosing one group as good and one group as evil. He embraced the emotional and mental load of caring about everyone. “A Man of sorrows and acquainted with grief…[10]”
Weeping With God
So what does it mean to be oriented on that vertical axis, viewing the world as God does?
I am aligned with God when I acknowledge the tragedy of human suffering without applying the anesthesia of blame. The Good Samaritan didn’t ask the traveller why he was walking on a dangerous road alone, he just helped him. The Book of Romans says we should “weep with those who weep.[11]” It does not qualify this based on whether we think their sorrow is deserved.
When that story of Renee Good and Jonathan Ross punched me in the gut, my initial reaction was to choose a villain and seek comfort in anger. But then I wondered how I might feel if they were both my children, humans I had watched grow and evolve through a thousand joys and traumas.
What would break my heart? Everything. The fear, the loss, the panic, lifetime of trauma, the terrible terrifying seconds, the sobbing of a child. Every part of this story is heartbreaking. If these were both my children, the mix of grief and righteous anger would be all-consuming. My heart would be broken, because I know them both so well and love them both so much. I think this is the heart of God.
Of course we should seek out the truth, demand justice and hold people accountable for their actions. But while we evaluate the choices Jonathan Ross and Renee Good made, we can also grieve the circumstances and trauma that led both of them to that moment. And we can grieve the immense destruction left in its wake.
This call to grieve all human suffering, not just the suffering within our tribe or the suffering of the guiltless, echoes through multiple religious traditions. Jewish teaching on tikkun olam holds that every human life bears infinite worth, regardless of their imperfections. In Islamic tradition, nearly every chapter of the Quran begins by repeating these names of God: Ar-Rahman (The Most Compassionate) and Ar-Rahim (The Most Merciful). Jesus even went so far as to say we should “pray for those who persecute” us[12].
Heartbreak and Healing
The Psalmist says that when I dare to let myself hurt for others, a miracle happens. God draws near. “The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart...[13]”
Perhaps that ache that stops us in our tracks is not a random emotion, or a call to anger. Perhaps it is the voice of God, calling us to share in his grief, to understand His heart. And perhaps our neighbor, who aches over a different concern, feels the heart of God as well. No matter which specific human suffering pierces our hearts the most, we are all sharing in the same divine heartache.
God’s love extends to all humanity, regardless of politics, nationality, choices, or guilt. All creation groans, as God grieves all human suffering, regardless of the cause. There is unity in that groaning, kinship in the universal reality that our world is broken. And we can find unity of purpose when we work to minimize all human suffering, not just suffering for our tribe.
Dr. Martin Luther King said, “An eye for an eye leaves everyone blind.” Yet too often we grieve our loss of sight by trying to blind someone else. But when we pause to recognize our enemy’s anger grows from the same root of grief and pain, we provide just enough sunlight for cooperation to grow. This is not naively running from a fight, it is running toward the most courageous and rewarding work a human can do to improve our world.
To all who join in God’s heartache, God offers this peace: there is something greater than the tragedy of the day. And with that knowledge comes hope, because the One who created can also repair.
When we choose to be moved by the heartbreak of God, instead of trying to break each other, we become agents in God’s repair.
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FOOTNOTES
[1] “When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them because they were confused and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd.” Matthew 9:36 NLT
[2] “Jesus saw the huge crowd as he stepped from the boat, and he had compassion on them and healed their sick.” Matthew 14:14 NLT
[3] “I feel sorry for these people. They have been here with me for three days, and they have nothing left to eat.” Mark 8:2 NLT
[4] “When the Lord saw her, his heart overflowed with compassion. “Don’t cry!” he said. Then he walked over to the coffin and touched it…“Young man,” he said, “I tell you, get up.” Then the dead boy sat up and began to talk! And Jesus gave him back to his mother.” Luke 7:12-15 NLT. [The Greek here (embrimaomai, tarassō) suggests deep emotional agitation, not mild sadness.]
“When Jesus…was told that Lazarus had already been in his grave for four days, [and] Jesus saw her weeping…, a deep anger welled up within him, and he was deeply troubled. Then Jesus wept.” John 11:17, 33, 35 NLT
[5] “But as he came closer to Jerusalem and saw the city ahead, he began to weep. “How I wish today that you of all people would understand the way to peace. But now it is too late, and peace is hidden from your eyes.” Luke 19:41-42 NLT
[6] “Jesus went into the synagogue again and noticed a man with a deformed hand. Since it was the Sabbath, Jesus’ enemies watched him closely. If he healed the man’s hand, they planned to accuse him of working on the Sabbath. He looked around at them angrily and was deeply saddened by their hard hearts. Then he said to the man, “Hold out your hand.” So the man held out his hand, and it was restored!” Mark 3:1-2, 5 NLT
[7] “Jesus entered the Temple and began to drive out all the people buying and selling animals for sacrifice. He knocked over the tables of the money changers and the chairs of those selling doves. He said to them, “The Scriptures declare, ‘My Temple will be called a house of prayer,’ but you have turned it into a den of thieves!”” Matthew 21:12-13 NLT
[8] “…For they don’t practice what they teach. They crush people with unbearable religious demands and never lift a finger to ease the burden. “Everything they do is for show...” Matthew 23:3-5 NLT
[9] ““For God so [greatly] loved and dearly prized the world, that He [even] gave His [One and] only begotten Son, so that whoever believes and trusts in Him [as Savior] shall not perish, but have eternal life. For God did not send the Son into the world to judge and condemn the world [that is, to initiate the final judgment of the world], but that the world might be saved through Him.” John 3:16-17 AMP
[10] Isaiah 53:3-4 NKJV
[11] Romans 12:15
[12] Matthew 5:44
[13] Psalms 34:18 NKJV
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