When Heaven Is Silent, And God Is Near
- Kerry Morris
- 19 hours ago
- 5 min read
It seemed like everyone felt God, except for me. Everyone had this amazing faith, except for me. Other people had answers, all I had were questions. I was going through a difficult time in my life. And this absence of divine feeling hurt. It felt like rejection.
There is a theological concept called predestination that suggests some people are destined to connect with God and some are not. Paul wrote, “For he chose us in him before the creation of the world…In love he predestined us.[1]” To those on the ‘inside’, this was a comforting promise. To someone feeling far from God, it felt like a door closed in my face.
Interpreting Feelings
It turns out, I was not alone in my sense of distance from God. When we face the silence of the heavens, we share that feeling of distance with some of the most devout people in history. Mother Theresa, in a series of private letters never meant for publication, wrote she would go years without feeling the presence of God in her life. She once confessed in a letter, “If I ever become a saint I will surely be one of darkness.”
King David of Israel once wrote, “My God, my God, why have you abandoned me?…Every day I call to you, my God, but you do not answer.[2]” And he was called “a man after God’s own heart.” These words were also repeated by Jesus as he was enduring crucifixion.
Feeling abandoned does not mean that I have been abandoned.
Likewise, feeling near to God is not necessarily evidence that I am rightly following God. Judas was in Jesus’ inner circle, witnessed miracles firsthand, spent countless hours with Jesus. Yet, he betrayed him. At Mt. Sinai, the nation of Israel saw perhaps the most dramatic display of God’s power in history, as fire and thunder descended on the top of the mountain for days. Yet, at the bottom of that same mountain, they made an idol out of gold and worshipped it.
A feeling of nearness can be a wonderful byproduct of a relationship with the Divine, and also be a powerful tool God uses to draw people to himself. But this feeling is not a credential that proves relationship. I can be in the same room with a person, sitting right next to them, and there still not be real love between us.
The Proof Of Longing
The most reliable evidence of love is not presence, but longing.
When I travel to another city for work, I am far away from those I love. At the end of the day I want to hug my daughter, kiss my wife, hear the voice of my sons. And they want the same. But I cannot feel them in this way. Yet, I am still in relationship with them, deeply connected. I love them and they love me. The longing is the manifestation of love.
When I find myself frustrated by the absence of God, that is not a sign that God has abandoned me. It is a sign that God has established a connection to my heart that draws me to him. Augustine said “You made us for yourself, and our heart is restless until it rests in you.[3]”
The Sons of Korah, Israelite priests responsible for temple music, wrestled with this tension between a deep connection to God and a perceived distance from God. They wrote a lengthy psalm that includes these three lines,
“As the deer pants for the water brooks, So pants my soul for You, O God…
Deep calls unto deep at the noise of Your waterfalls…
“Why have You forgotten me?[4]”
When something inside our heart longs for God, that is evidence that God longs for us. Our longing mirrors his. Rumi, from the Sufi Islamic tradition, put it beautifully, “What you seek is seeking you.”
The Jewish concept of teshuvah refers to a heart longing for and returning to a home. The desire to return is evidence of original belonging. In Pure Land Buddhism, the awareness of my need for Other Power is seen as the beginning of awakening.
Longing for God is not a sign that he has abandoned me, it is him calling to my heart from another moment in eternity.
Guaranteed Embrace
While theological traditions might debate the extent to which we are predestined to follow God, there is almost universal agreement on one point: God never rejects those who honestly seek him. Longing is not just evidence of God calling to my heart, it is also a promise.
Jeremiah relayed a message from God to Israel, “If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me.[5]” Jesus echoed these words when he said, “For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened.[6]” One of the names of God in Islam is Al-Tawwab — the Ever-Returning, the One who turns toward those who turn.
God does not promise a feeling, at least not at the moment we seek it. But he does promise immediate forgiveness, acceptance, unconditional love. God loves us and accepts us long before we feel it. The transcendent feeling of God’s presence is an expression of God’s love, but not the substance of his love. God’s love is far deeper than feeling.
Faith And Being Found
Months after that difficult and lonely moment in church, I was blessed to sense God again. And I have been fortunate to have times in life where it seems like the clouds part, the boundary blurs, and I feel God near. Sometimes in church, but often driving my car, walking in the woods, or just sitting quietly.
These moments of transcendence are incredibly refreshing and encouraging, and I am deeply grateful for them. But these moments are not proof of faith. “Faith shows the reality of what we hope for; it is the evidence of things we cannot see.[7]” Faith thrives in a place far beyond my sight and my feelings.
After all, God is always near, regardless of what I feel. The awe that moves my heart when I encounter the divine is a taste of God’s spirit. And the longing that moves my heart when God feels distant is a manifestation of that same spirit. Longing is a foretaste of an encounter still to come.
Longing is the voice of God telling me I am his.
“Take heart; you would not be seeking me if I had not already found you.”
-Augustine
Thank you for reading. If this post resonated with you, please consider sharing it
________________
[1] Ephesians 1:4-5
[2] Psalms 22:1-2 NLT
[3] Augustine, Confessions I.1 (Modern English paraphrase)
[4] Psalm 42
[5] Jeremiah 29:13 NLT
[6] Matthew 7:8 NLT
[7] Hebrews 11:1 NLT
Comments